IT-Woes-4

Its time to crib. kindly excuse my swear words. But they give this post a very natural touch. My IT story seems to have become a regular column on this blog. The latest update is that the laziest and most in-competant ITO in Bangalore(Vasanthi Ashokan) has come up with a rule up her sleeve that cheques of bigger amounts need to be re-printed and sent only by post!! She cannot sign and re-validate it over the counter! I'm sure it is not a rule and is just another sample of her adept and infinite red tapism tricks. Gawd, f**k her wide a**. So now I am really back to pole position. I have submitted the cheque and am waiting for those lazy, corrupt pests to crawl and send me my much deserved cheque. I wish it were not a big amount, otherwise I would have just went and told her to keep the change...that bitch...

Human Brain & Cognition

I had received this email on cognition capability of human brain many moons ago. Today I got it again and it still amazes me! I hope somewhere, someone is working on applying this discovery in research on artificial intelligence in computers. If we can have a digital model of how human brain can read and interpret this, I am sure it will take cognitive capabilities of a super-computer to un-precedented levels ! How? because we would have found a algorithm for making sense out of given gibberish. Many contemporary AI softwares rely on parsing vocabulary for natural languages, this algorithm may reduce the search involved!

"I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer inwaht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? "

Bangalore-A Maze Game!!

Roads in Bangalore resemble a snake N ladder board game. There are so many worthless flyovers (ladders) which taper into narrow bottleneck roads (snakes)!!! And add to it the fact that almost 50% of the arterial roads are one-ways.And what you get at every junction is a feeling of being on number 98 on the board game facing the prospect of dicing that dreaded digit '1' per chance and slide along the snake waiting on number 99...back to square one (btw, is that the origin of this quote??).
To cut the story short, if anyone of you have seen the kader khan movie in which someone asks him for directions, and he says: "Go straight, take left, then again left, then one more left and again a left. Then ask someone else standing here for directions" :-) Well, today more or less same thing happened with me. I was coming back from railway station side and reached an unknown one-way. I asked someone directions for MG Road, and then followed a series of 4 one ways and came back to same spot!!
Maybe I took a wrong one-way somewhere. I could not help but smile:-) God bless this wretched city.

IT Woes-3

Yes, I visited The Hell again. No, the job is not yet done. Period.
Ok, here's the scene: The secretary, abbreviated AH (as* h***) is lazying around in front of his PC. Her Almighty, the income tax officer(I will also give her name- Vasanthi Ashokan) abbreviated ITO is missing from Her chair.How natural !! The victim, abbreviated ME, is impatiently strolling outside the room with a big Q-mark on his face for last 10 minutes. he has aksed every passerby about Her whereabouts and got a sympathetic nod and advice to wait for a "while". The victim looses patience after a wait of half hour and decided to take charge of things and decides to enter the room and ask the secretary about Her schedule.
ME: Excuse me sir, can you tell me when is madam going to come?
AH: (mutters under breath without looking up) I dont know where she is.
ME: (After a pause to control temper) Ok, today is working day and these are meeting hours right?
AH: (looks up with incredulous look in his eyes) Yes
ME: So, when is she going to come?
AH: She will be back only after 5.30 (thats after meeting hours are over..)
ME: But just now you said you dont know where she is!
AH: (with a mock on his face) She is gone on "official duty" you know...whats the work?
ME: I have blah blah....
AH: Oh, you can leave a application at the counter it will come to your residence..
ME: No sir, I dont want to lose the cheque once again, I will get it done personally.
AH: (again without looking up)I told you she is on official duty elsewhere and will come late today, no point in waiting...come later...

Then I gave up and got out of the room, and tried to ask the maid-peon who I had be-friended before entering the room. She tells assuringly with gestures and sly smile, that madam is upstairs and will come back after meeting hours are over, you just have patience !!!!!
Then I realized that during public meeting hours the ITO disappears on "official duty" to avoid doing work and meeting people!! And if public knocks during non-meeting hours they are asked to come during meeting hours! How ingenious and simple way of avoiding work. I wish I could do that to my customers! Anyway I decided not to give up and waited for about one more hour after that, only to find that the Almighty had not turned up yet. Finally I entered the room again:
ME:(sarcastically) So, madam is still on official duty? I have been waiting for over 2 hours!
AH: (smile, probably to see me still waiting) I told you she wont come today. Either leave your application here or send someone else with authority letter..there is no point in waiting.
ME: (well, you cant bear torture beyond a certain limit) OK,are you sure job will be done with authority letter? Will I be required in person.
AH: (assuringly, with a hint of mock) Yes sir, it will be done.
ME: Ok, I will send someone tomorrow, I cannot come during working days everyday. Will madam be here tomorrow or will she be on official duty again?
AH: (with a sad look, probably for me)I think she will be here...
I just turned around and left the premises coz I knew that one more smart answer from him and I would have wrenched his b***s and ruined my case. I have asked my consultant to try his luck today. I just hope its done now, I have lost patience. next year I have decided not to pay taxes for my extra income, if any. Either way you get harassed, so instead dont pay taxes and then get harassed! Take my advice...

From Fascism to Secularism!

Yesterday I saw Karan Thapars talk show with ex-shiv sena MP, Sanjay Nirupam. It was a pleasure seeing it! For once I saw a politician putting foot in mouth and also chewing it! This firebrand ex-shiv sainik recently quit shiv sena and is actually in search of a job. His plight while answering extremely pointed questions by karan was pitiable:-) here are samples of some of the killer questions posed by KT and Sanjay Nirupams pathetic and desparate replies:
KT:You have changed from hindutva to secularism overnight? You are planning to join a secular party now. Are you opportunist or is it genuine change of mind?
SN: Well, their is nothing like secularism, I like secularism, but you see I am a young man of 40 years, I cannot sit idle, I have to make my career somewhere! So have transformed my heart and become secular now
KT: You called Sonia a Liar and a threat to the nation sometime back.(KT also shows some proofs) Do you still think she is a threat.
SN: (After a long long sigh and with a sheepish grin) No, I dont think so now.

There were many more gems like these but the the above were my favourites. In my hostel days I was staying with my good friends who were stauch shiv sainiks. I remember I used to have nice spats since I was a so called pseudo secular. I wonder if this interview would have helped in registering a thumping win in many of my arguments then :)
I am waiting to see SN blasting BJP and SS in the parliament. I wish to see how a person who has lost all credibility stands his grounds.
~Amit

IT Woes-2

I have to write this. Reading is ofcourse your privilege. Or prerogative, if it pleases you:-) A short essay on "2 hours at income tax office". Read at leisure, if you wish!

As it was destined on that fateful day, I visited Bangalore IT office with my auditor to trace the missing cheque of my IT refund on 10 March'05. This was my maiden visit to income tax office and it was an eye opening experience. Nothing beats the thrill, excitement, agony, despair and helplessness that you experience in a Indian govt office. This blog stems from first had experience and every word is authentic. So here it goes. We had to wait outside the IT officers (ITO) cabin for half hour watching with growing impatience, while she fussed on absolutely un-important things and disappeared frequently. She looked bored to her bones and was giving everyone a pitiful look. The secretary was running the whole show in her absence. He looked street-smart. Know what I mean? In Hindi its called 'Shyana'.
We got an audience with Her almighty eventually, and waited with baited breath for Her to look up from the important looking papers and glance at us. Finally she did and with a disdainful look asked with eyes "What?" My auditor, being experienced, forwards her my request papers without a word. She looks at it and asks "Who is Mr Amit?" I say meekly, Ma'm its me. Then she asks whats the problem! Thats when my tempers started simmering. After reading my application she asks whats the problem? Then some small talk went on where I pleaded and explained my case that I have not received my cheque and I wish to trace if it has come back or can they issue me a new one as I was submitting an indemnity bond. She keeps cross questioning all the while. Then she starts arguing her case with so many classic babu type comments that I hardly remember since I was too shocked to hear them. At one point of the time she made a statement " People wait for years for their refund cheques, and you are tired in just six months!" My jaw dropped at this! I was spellbound, tempers were at boiling point, but I controlled, I realized just in time that just one counter argument from me on this and she would raise her hands and show me the door! In fact she did ask me to go and complain elsewhere and not trouble her. Then I literally begged and pleaded at her to at least search her records.
She finally pitied and tried searching her records in a software which seemed to crash every now and then. She hardly knew how the software worked, and her secretary kept coaching her. She was taking his opinion on what to do on my case!!! She also rejected my indemnity bond saying such legal papers have no sanctity now a days and also lectured me on how Indian mentality is. We are all thieves she said!! She also refused to accept that my PAN number was not issued in Bangalore!! She had never seen of that series of numbers! Then after lot of persuasion and pleading she agreed to search through their paper records and after much haggling, coffee and disappearances she managed to trace the bar code of the speed post by which the cheque was sent to me. I then told her that my auditor has already done that search and we know the cheque was sent but it has never reached me! Then she shouted saying if you know it was sent, then why are u complaining!! We were back to square one after 1.5 hours of haggling!! I again explained her the problem and believe me then she understood my case, and her simple solution was " Go to a net cafe, find Indian postal dept website, then find their customer care number, give them this bar code, try to trace what happened to that post, if required go to postal dept office, talk to postal manager and then come back with the result Its my responsibility to trace that cheque, they cannot keep trace for so many cases!! Then only she can take further action!! "
I was about to cry, but controlled my emotions. Tears were was not due to dejection of not getting the cheque. I was way beyond that state. I simply wanted to f**k her hard and kick her wide a**, but knew that I just could not do it! Sheer helplessness!
Then she got a phone call, and someone with same case as mine was enquiring. She told the guy on phone that they send the refund cheques on whatever address is associated with the PAN number and not the one which you file in your returns, because they want to avoid extra work of typing addresses written on return forms!! Then it struck to me like gravity struck Newton! I knew that the address associated with my pan number was my old and outdated address of my earlier office. The moment it dawned, I quickly wound up and told her that I would take her advice and try to trace the post with the postal dept and come back with results! I went to my old office and found the cheque lying innocently in a carton containing hundreds of old mails! I simply smiled with a tear trickling down (I guess, but am not sure). The dispatch guy looked at me with utter amazement! I just said "Thanks" to him and opened the envelop, only to find that the cheque had already crossed the validity period of three months and it took only nano-seconds to realize that I will have to visit that hell of a IT office once again in front of that Almighty goddess and once again plead her that I was guilty and she was righteous and her good self should pity and give me a boon and re-validate the cheque! I am trying to gather courage before I go there again next week. Wish me good luck.
p.s: Though it was partially my mistake of not updating address on my PAN card, I still dread what must be happening to genuine cases and people whose cheques are really misplaced! The register with about 5000 names of such pending cases stood silent testimony to this fact!

IT woes ;-(

First things first. I DONT like paying taxes. Yet, being a salaried employee of a filthy rich IT firm compels me to pay the taxes against my better judgement. So being the good citizen that I'm, I paid up a little extra to the IT dept last year. Now in this land and era of Gandhis (remember? they are still ruling!!) IT dept has no intentions of refunding me my hard earned Gandhijis (rupee notes!). I tried every trick in the bag, hired a tax consultant to do the job (its like hiring a contract killer for someone else who in turn kills U instead!!), Phone calls to the public relations officer, all possible emails that I found on the IT dept websites and ofcourse yes the inevitebale Bribe! But nothing works. Not a fu***ng hair on their eyelashes blinked!

But now I have decided to take the legal course, I am going to send out some stinker letters to the commissioner. If that doesnt work then I am going to march into the IT office and kick some asses..and I can kick real hard...I mean it. I am a angry young man.

Wish me good luck ohh Gandhiji !

The Law Paradox - My Analysis:-)

The paradox given below is probably one of the greatest paradoxes, but I feel it has obvious flaws when seen in the light of real world. I know it is not meant to be taken seriously, but if ever such paradox occurs in real world it will not stand in any court of law!! My argument is given below the paradox:-)

A Law teacher once came across a student who was willing to learn but was unable to pay the fee. The student struck a deal saying, "I would pay your fee the day I win my first case in the court". Teacher agreed and proceeded with the law course. When the course wasfinished and the teacher started pestering the student to pay up the fee, the student reminded the deal and pushed forward the days. Fed up with this, the teacher decided to sue the student in the court of law and both of them decided to argue for themselves.
The teacher put forward his argument saying: "If I win this case, as per the court of law, the student has to pay me. And if I lose the case, the student will still have to pay me because he would have won his first case. So either way I will have to get the money." Equally brilliant, the student argued back saying: "If I win the case, as per the court of law, I don't have to pay anything to the teacher. And if I lose the case, I don't have to pay him because I haven't won my first case yet. So either way, I am not going to pay the teacher anything."

My arguments as a "public proescuter" are:
-------------------------------------------
There is a solution to this case. The argument of the student in court is proof enough that he acknowledges existence of the promise that he would pay up if he wins the case (which would be his first one). Now, as per law of any land justice is based on validity of facts (which the student has already accepted) and if prima facie the mutually agreed understanding between sparring parties are violated by one of the plaintiffs. In this case fact and the judge can give a decision in favor of the teacher provided the teacher manages to loose the case somehow. No matter if the student wins judge can always justify his decision due to the fact that the student has promised to pay of he wins. The student has a chance of winning only if he denies making such a promise to the teacher, however in that case the teacher only has to prove that he taught the student and so deserves compensation..

Avatars!!

After Yahoo Messenger Avatar, here is another kind of Avatar for identifying your weblogs its called "Globally Recognized Avatar" (gravatar). Visit http://www.gravatar.com/

I am trying to get one for myself..go fetch yours!

~Amit

Organization & Employee Growth at Cross Roads: Anti-Analysis

This blog of mine got posted on my companys' intranet website!!!

Disclaimer: Dear Reader, this blog is philosophical and in a lighter vein and not be taken literally!

Recently I came across a thought provoking quote, the essence of which was: "Every employee in a organization eventually rises to his or her level of incompetancy". It supposedly means that people keep rising in an organization until it is found that they are incompetent to rise any further. In other words, every growing individual rises to his/her peak potential which is nothing but his/her minimum in-competancy level. From there onwards the road goes only downhill. Followers of Murphy's law of negative thinking will readily lap up the quote as a fact. But for the positive and rational ones,a second and a deeper thought provokes an philosophical and also at times curious analysis. The point of contention is whether "Peak performance amounts to minimum in-competancy and can address the resulting problem". Let's try to prove and address some solution for the contention:

In the rat race for growth, it is making the right choices on the part of employees and creating right choices on the part of the organizations which ultimately differentiates winners from losers. Employees confront the if-else dilemma quite often in the course of their careers, and those who make the right choices too often will reach their peak performance too soon. While the organizations which generate enough choices or opportunities for their employees are only speeding the onset of peak performance of their employees. This should be generally considered true because every individual practically has some or other limitation, whereby he/she will reach potential peak someday. One more understood fact is that not every employee can reach the top simultaneously. Some room is needed at the top for vertical movement. So employees who reach their potential peak positions in the organization are at the cross roads of their career and usually do not know where to proceed for further growth. Eventually the smart ones quit and look for greener pastures and start it all over again and the tired ones stay put and continue to stagnate and reach their saturation point which can also be termed as in-competancy in today's cut throat competitive world. So it does prove that peak performance may amount to in-competancy in many if not all the cases.

Now, the compassionate ones may counter-argue that it is fault of the organization if it does not generate further growth opportunity for their already peaked employees. But then haven't we all heard that "Its employees which maketh and grow an organization"?

The above discussion in turn means that employees should make wrong choices to "avoid" reaching their peak performance (minimum in-competancy) and also organizations must do everything possible to stunt growth opportunities of their employees to avoid them from reaching their peak (minimum in-competancy). Now, this is a rhetoric statement which is as absurd as it is in-correct. So then what is the right thing? Should or shouldn't the employees peak? Should or shouldn't the organization encourage employee growth? The answer,dear reader, lies in collective growth and not individual growth!! Few peaking employees can never grow an organization (since they will eventually reach their in-competancy level !!). Leaders cannot lead dumb followers, they need an intelligent herd to follow them. So it is the collective and relative growth of all employees which can build successful organizations and address the problem of career peaking. And yes,by the way, the quote also stands proved!!

Anniversary !!

Yeah! Its exactly 1 year since I started blogging and also first month anniversary since I got married :-)
It has been good going. Lot of water has flown under the bridge! Quite literally! I am not a bachelor any more! Thats the big Before & After difference. Here are the indicative accounts on the first anniversay of blogging and marrying:

Profits:
Good food, Peaceful life, Someone to talk to 24 hrs a day, Free early bird a/c on gmail, and many more...

Losses:
"Wise men say, that losses are what you count on an ongoing basis after marriage"
But I feel:
"Wise men say only fools rush in (to marriage).. but I can't help falling in love with my wife" !

But the losing fact is that my wifey doesn't read my blogs as yet ;-(

p.s: Those who have heard this UB40 song will appreciate the above remix....

:-)
~Amit

Budget 2005 - My Take

The pundits say that the FM has done a good job. Big deal. That was expected from the celebrated trio of economic reforms, Manmohan, Montek Singh and P Chidambaram. But I really dont care what it means to the markets, equities, FDI and what not. To me it means only two things: Personal taxation has been simplified and eased a bit, and my perks have been taxed. I learnt as a kid that +ve and -ve nullify each other. So my finances stand as they were earlier. That's my take on the budget. I may be reading in between the lines and taking it quite literally. But I am not an expert in economics so I will wait till my tax consultant beams some sunlight down my brain. ...And btw, Times of India (ToI) has gone crazy, oh sorry, it was already crazy and now they are hell bent on proving it. Its budget printed on all pages today and that too colored with crayons and graphics!! What people will not do to sell these days! Somebody recently and rightly termed the new look Times as ToIlet Paper !!

~Amit